Phillip Van Hooser - Transformational Leadership

In this video post, I share an illustration to show leaders that lying — no matter how innocently — is a costly leadership mistake.

Leaders Who Lie

Phillip Van Hooser
Leadership Expert, Author & Keynote Speaker
phil@vanhooser.com

In this video post, I relate a story that illustrates to leaders that losing their temper is a costly leadership flaw.

Leaders Who Lose Their Temper

Phillip Van Hooser
Leadership Expert, Author & Keynote Speaker
phil@vanhooser.com

Leaders, we’re busy people. We have lots of responsibilities and objectives to accomplish every day. Here’s one thing we can do that will exponentially improve our relationships with employees and provide us with valuable information and insights for doing our jobs.

Learn to listen. Actively listen. Stop what you’re doing when people start to communicate with you and look at them, look them right in the eye. I know the challenges, many of us pride ourselves on being multi-taskers, we can use electronic equipment, we can walk, we can talk, we can fill out paperwork, we can do any number of things all while supposedly listening to the people speaking to us. I’m not even going to challenge the fact that you might be able to do that well, because there are good multi-taskers out there. But it really makes very little difference if you’re good at it or not. The message that we send to the person speaking to us—that we’re hopefully listening to, as we go about these multi-tasking activities—the message that we send to them is that they don’t have our attention and we’re not fully focused on them and from a leader/follower relationship that can be. . .well, that can be very bad.

What I’m encouraging you to do is that the next person that walks up to you and begins talking to you, you stop. You stop whatever you’re doing. You square yourself up and you look right at the person and you continue to look at them for the duration of whatever they’re communicating. You listen to them for the next twenty seconds, the next two minutes, the next twenty minutes, as the case might be, by looking squarely at them.

When you do this, people are going to respond to you differently because they know you’re now listening and listening with effectiveness. And from a leader/follower relationship that can be. . .well, that can be very, very good!

Phillip Van Hooser
Leadership Expert, Author & Keynote Speaker
phil@vanhooser.com

For more tips on communicating for leaders, check out this video segment.

How many times in your role as leader have you experienced a clashing of attitudes or ideas with one of your followers or even another employee? How often are you called in to mediate or resolve situations where people just don’t see eye to eye on an issue? It happens frequently, doesn’t it? And if you’re like most people, you find these situations uncomfortable and full of emotional minefields.

As leaders, we recognize that problems like these need to be addressed, but so many of us hate and therefore avoid the confrontation we know needs to take place. We say things like, “this will only make matters worse.” “I’m not sure I can control my emotions.” “Maybe if I give it some time, the issue will resolve itself.” Do any of these sound familiar? Probably so. Unfortunately, it is at best, wishful thinking.

Knowing how to successfully manage confrontation is a skill that all leaders need in their toolkit. If you’ve been avoiding confrontation for fear of doing more harm than good, consider equipping yourself with these techniques for managing the situation effectively.

1.  Prepare yourself in advance. Clearly determine the cause for the confrontation. Are you addressing a performance issue, an unacceptable attitude or perhaps a safety issue? Also determine the purpose or the goal for the confrontation. What do you want the confrontation to achieve? How do you want to be perceived after the confrontation? With these answers in mind, it will be easier to stay on target during the confrontation.

2.  Do not procrastinate if a confrontation is necessary. Many leaders try to convince themselves that the problem with work itself out or dissipate if left alone. Putting off what needs to be addressed allows more time for emotions to grow and frustrations to fester. The reality is that bad news does not get better with time.

3.  Avoid extreme emotional involvement. Never initiate a confrontation when you are emotionally charged. This is difficult, but that is why preparing yourself in advance is so important. 

4.  Choose carefully the time and place for the confrontation. Go behind closed doors if possible. Confrontation in front of an audience invites embarrassment and offers undue opportunities for “emotional performances.”  Consider timing the confrontation at the end of the work day. This gives the other person an easy exit for cooling off and considering the issue.

5.  Work to determine the other person’s driving needs. Try to evaluate the issue from their vantage point.

6.  Willing accept some measure of responsibility for the situation - admit fault if you are to blame in part or in total.

7.  Allow the other person time to vent. Remember, you have had the advantage of sorting through your emotions before initiating this confrontation. Give the other person the same opportunity.

8.  Zero in on the problem, not the person. Positive confrontation focuses on the problem. Negative confrontation focuses on the person. Frame the conversation in terms of specific expectations for future performance. Encourage feedback regarding alternative solutions or approaches for managing the issue.

You may not find a solution immediately. You may never completely agree on the issue. But a leader’s responsibility is to address difficult issues and ensure steps are taken to work toward a mutually agreeable solution. It’s hard work - great leaders can’t avoid that.

Phillip Van Hooser
Leadership Expert, Author & Keynote Speaker
phil@vanhooser.com

Let’s get one thing straight. There are some very conscientious leaders out there who are working really hard to get this leadership thing right. But, as we know, it’s not always easy. And unfortunately, this leadership gig doesn’t come with a step-by-step manual.

Following a recent on-site client engagement, one of the program participants followed up with a very interesting question, wrapped around a less than enviable situation. It’s one that could be encountered by any leader at any time. It involved dealing with performance issues. Here is the question I received:

Q: Phil, have you ever had to address performance issues with an employee after they have just experienced a traumatic event, for example, a death in the family? In your program, one of the barriers to communication that you identified was the working environment. And you specifically mentioned timing. Where does compassion for the individual’s circumstances enter into the equation? Should I wait for some better time to address the performance issues?

Sooner or later, leaders are certain to experience situations with no clear cut answer. Unfortunately, not everything a leader must deal with presents itself as being black or white. The situation outlined in this question clearly falls into one of those dreaded gray areas.

First, I am quick to counsel leaders to be sensitive to the personal needs of their employees and followers. To do less can easily, and unnecessarily, create frustration and resentment that is harbored by the employee for months, possibly years, to come. Leaders should make every practical accommodation to help the individual in question work through their personal difficulties in order to quickly return to their expected level of performance.

That being said, we can not always pick the perfect time as it relates to addressing critical issues with our followers. Pressing performance issues can not, and should not, be ignored. To do so creates the possibility of putting the entire organization, its customers, employees and other stakeholders in a compromising position — a risk not of their own making. As a recognized leader of the organization, it is our responsibility to take the necessary steps to deal with unsatisfactory performance whenever and wherever we might find it.

In situations like the one described in this question, my suggestion is to directly approach the individual concerning the performance issue/s in question. Do not approach in an accusatory manner. Instead, be straightforward in identifying the problem at hand and then move the conversation as quickly as possible to the problem solving mode. While searching for problem resolutions, the employee’s current personal difficulties may or may not be factored into the equation. Each situation will have to be considered on its own merit. But there should be no question that the ultimate goal and expectation is to correct the performance issue that is being addressed. Working together to find a mutually acceptable solution should help the individual bear his/her emotional burden.

While to some the answer might seem to be “wait for the right time - a better time.” My answer calls us to remember this — bad news does not get better with time.

Phillip Van Hooser
Leadership Expert, Author & Keynote Speaker
phil@vanhooser.com

In the “Quick Vote” poll on CNN.com yesterday, the question posed was this: “Do You Trust Your Boss?” The poll is admittedly not scientific. But so far, 171,000 plus people have responded and the results say a lot about trust in leadership. 42% of those responding say they trust their boss. 41% say they don’t. 16% indicate they don’t have a boss — possibly trust issues play into this number as well.

For those in leadership positions, most recognize that one of the key elements of the leadership equation is the issue of trust. We also recognize that trust, like respect, does not automatically come with the leadership positions we occupy. Trust must be earned. We earn it from those we desire to lead. But how? I believe there are at least three basic steps involved in establishing and earning trust.

Step 1: Take responsibility! Without question this is the most important aspect in earning trust, and yet, it is often the most overlooked. We are personally impressed by leaders who, in practice, take a little bit more than their share of the blame and a little bit less than their share of the credit. Too often though, human nature leads us to do just the opposite — to take a little bit more than our share of the credit and a little bit less than our share of the blame. Remember, the buck stops where? With the leader, that’s where!

Step 2: Level with your followers. To be a trusted leader requires us to “fess up” regularly. I have a theory about such things. It can be stated this way: We tend to forgive that which we can imagine ourselves having done. We have difficulty forgiving that which we can’t imagine ourselves doing. In other words, followers will accept the fact that you occasionally make mistakes — we all do. On the other hand, they cannot or will not forgive mistakes that their leader is unwilling to admit and take responsibility for. Why? Because they can’t imagine (or stomach) an unwillingness to admit mistakes that are already obvious to everyone.

Step 3: Share your feelings. If we are going to take responsibility and level with our followers, the next obvious step is honest, open communications with them. But please be careful. I encourage you to share your emotions, don’t show them! Don’t assume that your followers can read your mind as to what you are thinking and feeling. They can’t and they shouldn’t be expected to. You are their leader — lead! Step out of your comfort zones and tell your people about the emotions you are experiencing - positive and negative.

These three steps will quickly earn you the reputation as someone that can be trusted. After all, what better poll is there for leaders than that?

Phillip Van Hooser
Leadership Expert, Author & Keynote Speaker
phil@vanhooser.com

When considering ways to enhance leadership, positive characteristics like honesty, integrity, vision and courage are usually addressed. However, we also need to focus on insidious personal habits which, unwittingly, chip away at the very foundation of our influence. One such leadership cancer is profanity.

Profanity is a tough issue to address. Our society passionately embraces the constitutionally protected freedoms of speech and public expression. While at lunch recently, I was seated next to a young man. Sadly, I was not terribly surprised when he opened his mouth and vulgarities spewed forth. He spoke loudly. Men, women and children (all present) could easily hear. But, he was not angry. Frankly, he seemed comfortable - at easy with this manner of communication. That made me uncomfortable.

Did I confront him? No. I must admit, there was a part of me that wanted to say, “Hey, buddy, don’t you get it? Don’t you realize that you’re driving people away with your words?” But I resisted. Why? Besides the possibility of an almost certain public confrontation, today, when someone dares question the appropriateness of such boorish public behavior, the confronter is too often labeled prudish, followed by heated accusations of perceived censorship. For the record, I am against limiting individual freedoms. However, I am for common sense applications of the freedoms we enjoy. I believe that just because we can do or say something doesn’t necessarily mean we should.

Am I saying I’ve never uttered an inappropriate comment? Absolutely not! The truth is I learned to “cuss” in fifth grade. I’m not proud of that fact. Such behavior was certainly not encouraged by my parents, teachers, coaches or other influential adults. But that didn’t stop me. Sadly, stringing together words I often couldn’t even define made me feel more in control, more grown up, more of a man.

As the years went by, I became bolder with my use of profanity. Over time, my cursing became a habit. A behavior requiring no thought. As a manager in the workplace, I believed profanity helped emphasize and drive home important points, thus making me more effective. My conversations became so sprinkled with expletives that, eventually, I failed to even recognize them as profanity. To me, it was just harmless “shop talk.” I never paused to consider what others might think of it.

So why this crusade against profanity by professionals? I now recognize that when one uses profanity, at least 25-50% of the people who hear it are offended. They may not say so publicly, but they are. You don’t believe me? Take a little poll of the folks you work with. Simply ask how many of them enjoy hearing others curse on the job vs. how many would prefer to be shielded from profanity altogether. The results may surprise you.

But, I learned the hard way. No one had ever said to me, “Phil, I think you have great leadership potential. Great opportunities are out there if you would just curse more!” However, one day, early in my management career, a trusted mentor pulled me aside to say, “Phil, I think you have great leadership potential. I believe great opportunities are out there for you. But, do you realize your cursing is limiting your potential? You really can’t afford to lose people’s respect.”

The leadership curse is not really the act of cursing at all. The leadership curse rests in not fully recognizing the tremendous effect our words, deeds and behaviors have on others.

Phillip Van Hooser
Leadership Expert, Author & Keynote Speaker
phil@vanhooser.com

Principle 6:  Do Your Job (This is the final part in a series on becoming a great communicator.)

When communicating, what if…?

• People respond differently than you hoped or predicted?
• People become too emotional?
• People resist your communication efforts?

After considering these and other “What if…?” questions for a while, I came to the realization that none of us can predict with certainty what the outcome of any communication effort ultimately will be. We can know what we want the outcome to be. We can know what we have planned the outcome to be. We can even know what we have intentionally worked for the outcome to be. But in the end, we simply don’t control all the variables.

It was then that the sixth communication principle came into focus for me. I realized that whatever happens in the course of our communication efforts-good or bad-the people who are depending on us still expect us to do our jobs.

It is human nature to be drawn to those activities that excite us, inspire us and fulfill us. But life and work is not always exciting, inspiring and fulfilling. Sometimes you are called to rise above that which you wish you could avoid completely. All of your personal and professional activities can be enhanced as well if you simply commit yourself to doing your job and doing it at the highest level possible.

Here are three ideas on how to get better.

When Doing Your Job…Strive to Become a Better Communicator

One way to become a better communicator is happening for you at this very moment-you’re reading and studying. Though reading this book or others is no guarantee that you will be ordained the next great communicator. It is, however, a wonderful step in the right direction. Self-study serves to prepare the mind and will for greater future accomplishment.

My intention here is not to burden you with a suggested reading list as long as your arm. If you are really interested in more reading materials related to communication skills enhancement, fifteen minutes spent in your local library, bookstore or online will provide you dozens of options. I will suggest one book in particular though that I think can be helpful to anyone at any stage of their life or career. Secure a copy today of Dale Carnegie’s classic, How to Win Friends and Influence People. You won’t be sorry. It hasn’t sold millions of copies over the past sixty plus years by accident.

Remember, reading is great, but doing is better. If your desire is to be a better oral communicator, I highly recommend you enroll in one or both of the following. Dale Carnegie courses are available in every major city as are Toastmasters International clubs. Both are dedicated to helping develop the skills of those who wish to communicate orally with more confidence and expertise. I can assure you both will be money and time well spent.

When Doing Your Job…Work to Exceed Expectations

One of my mantras for life is “do more than is expected.” I have discovered that if you are constantly doing more than is expected, you will never again have to worry about evaluations, regardless of the form or fashion they might take.

As this concept applies to enhancing our communication skills, I suggest you look around and take inventory of the expectations people have of the various communicators in their life. If you are a teacher, pay close attention to other teachers and students. If you are a manager, pay close attention to other managers and employees. If you are a parent, pay close attention to other parents and children. If you are a member of the clergy, pay close attention to other spiritual shepherds and their flocks. Watch and listen. Gather up all the good ideas you can unearth and incorporate them into your communication “bag of tricks.” At the same time, notice the communication gaps that exist and that people are talking about. Then do everything you can to make sure you are not guilty of the same.

One other thing. Don’t wait for your boss, your spouse, your parent, your client or anyone else to challenge you to exceed their expectations. It probably won’t happen. Remember, they aren’t expecting much. The opportunity always exists for you to give them more.

When Doing Your Job…Never Give Up

I will make this last point short and sweet. Don’t you dare give up! Don’t ever allow yourself to be lured into thinking that your effort toward developing your interpersonal communication skills means little. Communicating person-to-person means everything. Where a communication void exists, rumors, assumptions, half-truths and perceptions creep in to fill it. There is no need for that to happen.

A quick recap of the six strategies for becoming a great communicator:

1.  Talk “with” people.
2.  Explain the process.
3.  Tell the truth.
4.  Work for understanding.
5.  Get others involved.
6.  Do your job.

A detailed discussion of each of these principles is available in my book, We Need to Talk.  The book is available at Amazon.com and on my website. If you are interested in discounts for volume purchases, please check the pricing details here.   

All the best!

Phillip Van Hooser
Cultivating Great Leaders to Create Competitive Advantage
phil@vanhooser.com

Principle 5: Get Others Involved (This is the fifth in a six part series on becoming a great communicator.)

When Getting Others Involved…Ask Their Preference

One of the best ways to get others involved is by asking a fairly open-ended question such as, “What would you like to see happen from this point forward?” or “If you had your way what direction would you have us go and why?”

Not everyone will immediately embrace personal involvement. However, some will. And when they do choose to respond to the type of question offered above, it is very easy then to move to the next step. The next step involves extending a personal invitation to become more personally involved in the actions to be taken or decisions to be made.

How many people around you are waiting for this invitation? Probably more than you think. But, you’ll never know for sure unless you ask.

When Getting Others Involved…Be Specific

When offering the chance to get others involved, too often the tendency is to leave the activity open-ended. That’s a bad idea. Few people will reach blindly into a bag unless they have some idea what is in that bag already. Not knowing creates fear, anxiety and hesitancy.

It’s much better to tell people specifically what they are getting into and what is expected of them. As it relates to communication, specificity rules!

When Getting Others Involved…Recognize Success

Once you are successful in getting others more actively involved, there is one more key activity that should not be overlooked. Catch people doing things right and recognize their successes in every way possible.

It takes courage to step out on faith and to take on additional responsibility. Over time, the more involved people become, the more communicative they become. Fewer problems occur when people are talking to one another. So, we should be doing all that is within our power to keep people talking.

Show people what success looks like. Trumpet the successes that you are observing. Don’t wait for huge, “front page news” successes. Be just as quick to acknowledge and highlight the “look, we’ve made a little progress” successes, too.

The personal involvement of others is a skill not easily mastered, but one that can pay significant future dividends.

The last of the six principles next time - Do Your Job.

Phillip Van Hooser
Cultivating Great Leaders to Create Competitive Advantage
phil@vanhooser.com

Principle 4: Work for Understanding (This is the fourth in a six part series on becoming a great communicator.)

Working to understand the needs of others and working to be understood is a transferable skill, not limited to a specific professional discipline or activity. It is a skill both needed to be successful in their chosen professional venues. And it is a skill that the rest of us need as well. Being willing and able to work for understanding, to improve personal communication is needed, recognized and valued in the operating room, in the show room, in the classroom, in the boardroom and even in the living room.

Consider the following ways to work for understanding.

When Working for Understanding…Check the Pulse

There is always a right time and a wrong time, a right place and a wrong place, a right way and a wrong way to communicate. Great communicators are the ones who have come to realize that with successful interpersonal communication “one size does not fit all.” As a result they work to fashion a tailored, customized communication message for those who will be receiving it. To accomplish this, proactive communicators need to have their finger on the pulse of those who will be impacted (positively or negatively) by the communication offered.

Here are some questions to consider as you formulate the specific message to be conveyed.

• What are the key issues s/he is currently facing that can impact the reaction or response?
• Has s/he ever heard or dealt with this type of message before?
• If so, how has s/he reacted to it?
• How does this person handle good/bad news?
• What kind of things have we dealt with together in the past that could resurface (for good or bad) during our time of communication?

When Working for Understanding…Anticipate and Manage the Barriers

A major part of good one-on-one communication is being able to anticipate and manage the numerous barriers that continuously crop up throughout any focused communication effort. Consider the following categories of barriers and the proactive suggestions offered to avoid them.

Sender Barriers
• Intention. Any successful journey begins with a well-defined itinerary. Communication is no different. The originators of the communication-the senders-need to be crystal clear on the intention of the communication to follow. 

• Preparation. Once the intention is clear, the preparation must follow. Consciously prepare for who you will be speaking with, what you want to accomplish and how best to present your ideas or information so that they can be well-received by your intended audience.

• Singular Focus. So as not to confuse those to whom our message will be delivered, the primary focus must remain clear and uncluttered. Focus on the “first things first.” Don’t try to cover too much ground or mix too many varying messages. It confuses the receiver of the communication. 

• Timeliness. As the originator and sender of the message, do everything in your power to align and deliver the message in a timely fashion. A message received well in advance of its application is soon mentally discarded and forgotten. A messaged received too late is looked on with disdain.

• Opportunity to Vent. There is an emotional element to almost every message. As the originator of that message, it is imperative that you recognize that emotions and personal feelings are to be acknowledged and dealt with. As such, allowing receivers an opportunity to vent their thoughts and emotions adds to the value of the communication process.

• Accept Responsibility. As the sender of the communication, if and when you fail in some area of the communication process, be willing to accept responsibility for your failure quickly and publicly. Receivers will be much more apt to forgive and move forward when they recognize that you are accepting responsibility for your mistakes.

Message Barriers
• Isolate the Problem. Well meaning communication can often go awry when the intended message strays from the problem to the person. Expert communicators have learned to isolate the problem and separate it from the people involved.

• Procrastination. On those occasions when it becomes necessary to communicate a message that is expected to be received negatively, too many communicators shrink from the challenge. They hope there will be a “better time” for such communication. Remember, “bad news does not get better with time.” Don’t procrastinate-communicate!

• Communicate Expectations. Any message can be misconstrued if it remains unclear as to what is expected to happen next. As the originator of the communication, it is your responsibility to conclude every exchange with your own personal “call to action.” Make sure every person knows what is expected of them from that point forward.

Environmental Barriers
• Appropriate Time. As a general rule, if you are communicating a message that will be well-received and roundly supported, it is better to share that information as early in the day, the week, the month as possible. The positive buzz can have a desirable after-effect on others.

• Privacy Matters. On the other hand, if you expect a message you are called to communicate might have a negative backlash, plan to communicate that message out of the sight of prying eyes and ears. It is better to deal with unpredictable emotions in private.

• Shut Down the “Grapevine.” Most organizations have some sort of informal, internal communication “grapevine” that too often dispenses rumors, speculation, innuendo and half-truths. Expert communicators can virtually shut down such grapevine communication by becoming known as the repository for dependable communication. Be proactive in making people’s unknowns-known.

When Working for Understanding…Inspect What You Expect

Even the best planned, best prepared and best delivered message can, on occasion, be misconstrued unintentionally. But how can you know that, short of waiting for the whole issue to blow up in your face at a later time and place? You can always “test your message.”

It’s fairly simple. Here’s what you do. Once you have communicated your intended message to the appropriate individual, before parting company you ask the following question, “I realize that I am not always the best communicator. I’m trying to get better. But, what we have just talked about is so important that I want to make sure that I have not done anything to confuse the message. Will you please tell me what you heard me say and what you know I am expecting as a result of our conversation today?”

Once you have asked this question, I suggest you stop and listen carefully to what is retold. Notice in the question above, I have worked hard to put the burden on the sender, not on the receiver of the message (i.e., “…I am not always the best communicator. I’m trying to get better…I want to make sure I have not done anything to confuse the message.”) Therefore, if, in the repeating of the message back to you, the receiver gets something in message wrong, be sure to accept the blame for the confusion. Example: “Did I say that you have $5,000 in your budget for the next quarter? Oh my, I meant to say $500. Thanks for catching my mistake. That could have been disastrous.”

In a nutshell, working for understanding always takes work-but it can also bear great results.

Principle 5 next time - Get Others Involved.

Phillip Van Hooser
Cultivating Great Leaders to Create Competitive Advantage
phil@vanhooser.com