Phillip Van Hooser - Transformational Leadership

Principle 3: Tell the Truth (This is the third in a six part series on becoming a great communicator.)

It seems like telling the truth ought to be a whole lot easier than it actually is. Of course, if all we ever did was share good news with others, then telling the truth would always be fun and easy. But as evidenced by the conversation between the doctor and my son, sometimes it falls to us to share news truthfully that may not be readily welcomed or appreciated by others. That doesn’t change the fact that truth telling is necessary.

The good doctor won the trust of a young patient, in large part, by simply telling the truth. My son had never had stitches before this encounter and as a result, really had no idea what to expect. Had his doctor said, “Joe, this won’t hurt a bit,” Joe would have had no practical, experiential reason not to believe him. In fact, I suspect Joe would have believed that statement and everything else the doctor told him right up until the very instant when the cold steel of the needle pierced the raw flesh of his chin. At that split second, when those nerve endings came alive, conveying to the brain the undeniable message that pain was, in fact, being experienced-from that moment on Joe would have believed nothing-absolutely nothing-that the doctor had or would tell him. All credibility would have been lost and rightfully so.

And so it is with each of us and the way people react and respond to us. Playing fast and loose with the truth is a recipe for disaster. On the other hand, learning to share the truth-even uncomfortable truths-in a masterful way can strengthen the foundation on which a relationship is built in a way that nothing else can.

You may be wondering how you can become known far and wide as a “truth teller” without exception. Here are a few ideas to get you started.

When Telling the Truth…Fess Up When You Screw Up

In establishing your believability quotient as a communicator there is simply nothing more important than telling the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. But, if mistakes have been made, if the untruths have already been told-how does one go about reestablishing believability?

My advice-fess up.

Try as we might, we can never retract the words we’ve spoken or the deeds we’ve done. And excuses won’t help (e.g., “I didn’t know the microphone was on…,” “My boss should have told me…,” or “I was afraid of what she might think…”). Plausible explanations are poor substitutes for taking personal responsibility.

Far and away, the most important action we can take in rebuilding a fractured reputation is to take responsibility publicly and quickly for the mistakes we’ve made and the lies we’ve told. Begin by fessing up to the people who were impacted most directly by your untruths. Here are three steps that can be taken to begin making things right.

1. Be totally honest about your dishonesty. Don’t complicate the problem by continuing to lie about your lying. Just swallow hard and get the truth out there.

2. Be contrite. Once the truth is out there, take your medicine, in whatever form it might come…discipline, public ridicule, humiliation, diminished status, severed relationships, financial loss, and so on. Don’t try to blame or implicate others for your actions. You will never look good by trying to make someone else look bad. Accept the fact that you screwed up and then go ahead and take your licks.

3. Recognize that most people have short memories and a desire to forgive. What was done or said during a thoughtless moment may take months, even years to undo. However, if mistakes are handled honestly and tactfully, the old axiom, “Time heals all wounds,” generally proves to be true. Be patient - it may take time. It may take time for others to forget and time for you to remember just how valuable the truth is to one’s reputation.

Principle 4 next time - Work for Understanding.

Phillip Van Hooser
Cultivating Great Leaders to Create Competitive Advantage
phil@vanhooser.com

Principle 2: Explain the Process (This is the second in a six part series on becoming a great communicator.)

“I didn’t actually tell her, but I’m sure she knows what I mean.”  How many times have you heard such a statement? More importantly, how many times have you said or thought the same? Unless the person you’re thinking of is a certified mind reader (I’ve never met one of those), choosing to believe that any person will know what you’re thiking without making the effort to tell them is the equivalent of actually believing you will win the lottery. It could happen — unfortunately, it seldom does.

Understanding how to explain the process begins with understanding your overall communication objectives. Knowing what your objectives are before you begin significantly lessens the chances that you will falter in your communication efforts. Is your objective to:

• convey
• request
• educate
• defend
• question
• or confirm?

When Explaining the Process, Know What Others Sense. Communication is not only a verbal experience, in a very real sense it is also sensory in nature. People pride themselves on their ability to “read” other people. People evaulate their “gut feel” regarding messages they receive from others. People are always on the lookout for “a connection,” “kindred spirits” and their “soul mate.” There are at least six universal things people can “sense” from our words and the manner in which we deliver them.

• People can sense how we feel.
• People can sense if we like them or not.
• People can sense if we’re glad to be there.
• People can sense if we’ve memorized our comments.
• People can sense if we’re lying.
• People can sense if we’re trying to sell them something.
• And people can sense if we’re sincere.

When Explaining the Process, Anticipate Key Questions. Let’s face it, many of us are suspicious by nature. When someone starts explaining the process to us, we start trying to read between the lines. We wonder about a number of things. And until we have acceptable answers to questions that concern us, we will not be able to fully accept the communication effort as being legitimate. However, satisfy us with answers to our most pressing questions and we will value you as being the great communicator you are.

Consider these common questions people have and be ready with an answer to their questions.

• Is this really going to do any good?
• Is it possible that I could be hurt as a result of what happens?
• Should I get involved personally or just watch and wait to see what happens?
• What is the real motivation behind what I am seeing and hearing?
• Will this have a negative effect on my relationship, position, etc?
• Will this cause more problems than it is worth?

We should never assume that others know what we are up to, even those closest to us. We may think that choosing to avoid these “unnecessary” explanations up front will save us time in the process. What we don’t consider is that sooner or later we are sure to end up explaining the process anyway — what we did, how it was done and why we did it. If the process is explained before action is taken, most people are still open to listening and learning. However, if explanations are offered after action has been taken, many people will already be dealing with the frustration brought on by what they see as your insufficient communication approach.

Principle 3 next time — Tell the Truth.

Phillip Van Hooser
Cultivating Great Leaders to Create Competitive Advantage
phil@vanhooser.com

During 2009 my professional horizons were stretched quite literally.  Five times I left the United States to speak to and meet with international audiences in Canada, England, Germany, South Africa and Venezeula.  From Cape Town to Calgary to Caracas and beyond, each trip provided unforgettable intellectual experiences.  

In Marlow, England, I met and was interviewed by an award winning TV and radio broadcaster familiar to BBC audiences throughout Europe.  Jeremy Nicholas and I shared the stage and afterward, paused for a few minutes of lighthearted conversation regarding a number of topics including humor (”humour” for my European friends), connective communication and the importance of seeing ourselves through other people’s eyes.

 I hope you enjoy this brief, but lively exchange.

 Phillip Van Hooser
Cultivating Great Leaders to Create Competitive Advantage
phil@vanhooser.com

Have you ever experienced a situation where your boss didn’t seem interested in listening to your ideas? Have you ever been frustrated by not being able to get to first base selling a worthwhile concept to upper management? Have you ever been tempted to stop trying all together? If you answered “yes” to any of these questions, maybe you need to brush up your skills in the fine art of earning the right to be heard.

I would suggest there are four questions that all decision makers need to have answered before they can comfortably and confidently approve any idea. For those of us able to both identify these four questions and formulate appropriate answers for each, the probability of our concerns being heard and acted upon increases greatly. Consider the following four.

Question 1: How much is it going to cost?

No self-respecting manager would ever approve any proposal unless armed with this answer. Therefore, take the time to do your homework up-front. Be prepared, but be honest. Never over-estimate or pad the numbers! Others may, but for those of us wishing to earn the right to be heard, the risk is too great. If decision makers believe you’re playing games with them, they may let you play somewhere else.

Question 2: What are the benefits?

This may be the most important question to be answered. Benefits serve decision makers as both reason and motivation for taking action. Whenever we sell any idea we should be prepared with as many tangible benefits as possible. However, be careful. Only benefits which are legitimate and defensible should be included. Even one benefit that is not legitimate or defensible may serve to make the entire list suspect in the mind of the decision maker.

Question 3: How long will it take?

Time is money. Therefore, we need to offer decision makers a realistic expectation of the time required to get our recommendation up and running. However, contrary to my earlier advice regarding question number one, always over-estimate the length of time expected for the project to be completed. Create a specific implementation plan that will allow you to position yourself in such a way as to always be under time and under budget.

Question 4: What happens if we don’t do it?

This is a favorite question of many decision makers. After listening to your well-prepared case for a certain action to be taken, many decision makers may seem compelled to consider the downside of the equation. Don’t despair, prepare. Prepare yourself with a ready response for this predictable question. My suggestion? “Boss, if you decide not to approve this proposal, I will accept your decision. However, let me remind you of the benefits which will not be realized as a result of your decision here today.” Then immediately refer to the earlier list of legitimate and defensible benefits.

Will leaders always be successful in getting what they want when following the approach outlined above? Of course not. However, even if we don’t get what we want, we may still be successful in creating quality “face time” with the appropriate decision makers. After all, the first step to getting to “yes,” is earning the right to be heard.

Phillip Van Hooser
Leadership Expert, Author & Keynote Speaker
phil@vanhooser.com