Phillip Van Hooser - Transformational Service & Leadership

Principle 3: Tell the Truth (This is the third in a six part series on becoming a great communicator.)

It seems like telling the truth ought to be a whole lot easier than it actually is. Of course, if all we ever did was share good news with others, then telling the truth would always be fun and easy. But as evidenced by the conversation between the doctor and my son, sometimes it falls to us to share news truthfully that may not be readily welcomed or appreciated by others. That doesn’t change the fact that truth telling is necessary.

The good doctor won the trust of a young patient, in large part, by simply telling the truth. My son had never had stitches before this encounter and as a result, really had no idea what to expect. Had his doctor said, “Joe, this won’t hurt a bit,” Joe would have had no practical, experiential reason not to believe him. In fact, I suspect Joe would have believed that statement and everything else the doctor told him right up until the very instant when the cold steel of the needle pierced the raw flesh of his chin. At that split second, when those nerve endings came alive, conveying to the brain the undeniable message that pain was, in fact, being experienced-from that moment on Joe would have believed nothing-absolutely nothing-that the doctor had or would tell him. All credibility would have been lost and rightfully so.

And so it is with each of us and the way people react and respond to us. Playing fast and loose with the truth is a recipe for disaster. On the other hand, learning to share the truth-even uncomfortable truths-in a masterful way can strengthen the foundation on which a relationship is built in a way that nothing else can.

You may be wondering how you can become known far and wide as a “truth teller” without exception. Here are a few ideas to get you started.

When Telling the Truth…Fess Up When You Screw Up

In establishing your believability quotient as a communicator there is simply nothing more important than telling the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. But, if mistakes have been made, if the untruths have already been told-how does one go about reestablishing believability?

My advice-fess up.

Try as we might, we can never retract the words we’ve spoken or the deeds we’ve done. And excuses won’t help (e.g., “I didn’t know the microphone was on…,” “My boss should have told me…,” or “I was afraid of what she might think…”). Plausible explanations are poor substitutes for taking personal responsibility.

Far and away, the most important action we can take in rebuilding a fractured reputation is to take responsibility publicly and quickly for the mistakes we’ve made and the lies we’ve told. Begin by fessing up to the people who were impacted most directly by your untruths. Here are three steps that can be taken to begin making things right.

1. Be totally honest about your dishonesty. Don’t complicate the problem by continuing to lie about your lying. Just swallow hard and get the truth out there.

2. Be contrite. Once the truth is out there, take your medicine, in whatever form it might come…discipline, public ridicule, humiliation, diminished status, severed relationships, financial loss, and so on. Don’t try to blame or implicate others for your actions. You will never look good by trying to make someone else look bad. Accept the fact that you screwed up and then go ahead and take your licks.

3. Recognize that most people have short memories and a desire to forgive. What was done or said during a thoughtless moment may take months, even years to undo. However, if mistakes are handled honestly and tactfully, the old axiom, “Time heals all wounds,” generally proves to be true. Be patient - it may take time. It may take time for others to forget and time for you to remember just how valuable the truth is to one’s reputation.

Principle 4 next time - Work for Understanding.

Phillip Van Hooser
Cultivating Great Leaders to Create Competitive Advantage
phil@vanhooser.com

Leader Transformation Tip 6: Know your followers’ service anniversary date and call attention to it every year. http://www.vanhooser.com

Phillip Van Hooser
Cultivating Great Leaders to Create Competitive Advantage
phil@vanhooser.com