Phillip Van Hooser - Transformational Leadership

In this video post, I debunk the “leadership lie” that says leaders shouldn’t get close to their people. I also clarify the difference between “managing” vs. “leading” people and explain what “getting close to” followers should really mean for leaders.

The Leadership Lie: Leaders, Don’t Get Close to Your People

Phillip Van Hooser
Leadership Expert, Author & Keynote Speaker
phil@vanhooser.com

As I write this, the Thanksgiving holiday is fast approaching.  Soon Thanksgiving will have passed and our focus will shift to the traditional year-end holidays and related festivities.

But before we rush through the holiday, let’s remember that Thanksgiving is supposed to be a time when we stop to take inventory of the many things for which are thankful.  Our grateful spirit should extend past the obvious - roast turkey, pecan pie and football.  Instead, we should seriously consider the opportunities and blessings that we have received and then acknowledge them for what they truly are.

But do we really?  Past experience has taught that we can be “busy” (a good state for most of us) and then we can be “too busy.”  When we get too busy, often we thoughtlessly ignore the more important things (or people) that deserve recognition for what they are and for what they are worth to us.

Case in point. A few years ago I found myself in one of our western U.S. cities preparing to present a full day leadership program.  I arrived early for the session which was being held in that city’s convention center.  So early, in fact, the entire facility seemed to be deserted.

After familiarizing myself with the room in which I would be working, I took the opportunity to make a quick trip to the men’s room.  As I stepped through the restroom door, the smell hit me.  It was immediately noticeable.  But, it was not the type of smell that many of us have come to expect from public restrooms.  No, instead this aroma could be described as being remarkably “fresh and clean.”

I continued in, only to find that the smell was a positive indicator of more good things to come.  The room was spotless!  Now, don’t misunderstand.  It was not adorned with the expensive marble and tile floor and wall coverings that are often found in some of the showplace hotels.  No, this was a public facility.  Its basic construction was of concrete blocks covered with enamel paint.  Nevertheless, the sinks, counter tops, urinals, toilets, floors and walls were so clean it was impossible not to notice.

As I stood admiring this unexpected phenomenon, I sensed someone’s presence.  In a far corner of the room, I noticed a middle aged man with mop in hand.  Now, I am not the smartest guy around, but I quickly surmised that this gentleman might have something to do with this amazing restroom.  I decided to find out.

“Excuse me, but are you responsibility for cleaning this restroom?”

The man slowly raised his head, while continuing to lean forward on the mop handle.  He looked at me suspiciously.

“Yeah, why?” he responded, with an obvious note of defensiveness in his voice.

“I figured you were.  I just wanted you to know how much I appreciate the clean bathroom.”

The man stared at me in silence for a few seconds, obviously trying to determine my level of sincerity.

“For real?” he finally asked.

“For real” I responded.  “I travel several days a week and end up using other people’s restrooms more than my own.  Too often, they are simply disgusting.  I couldn’t help but notice what a great job you’ve done with this one.  I just wanted you to know that I appreciate it.”

By now, convinced of my sincerity, the man responded by saying something that I will not soon forget.  Looking directly into my eyes, he said, “Thanks, I really appreciate that you noticed.”  Then he added, “Nobody has ever told me that before.”

Once again, I was amazed, but this time for a different reason.  My immediate thought was, “Where is this man’s leader?”

Me, a total stranger, recognizing this man for a job well done was one thing.  But, can you imagine the impact that a similar sentiment would have coming from the lips of his leader?

I encourage you as leaders, during this time of the year when the words “thanks” and “giving” are so commonly heard, to not be so busy that you don’t make the time to publicly acknowledge those followers who, in your heart, you know you are thankful for.

Praise and recognition are two gifts that keep on giving.

Phillip Van Hooser
Leadership Expert, Author & Keynote Speaker
phil@vanhooser.com

In this video post, I share a lesson from Ft. Bragg Special Forces on the impact and significance of leaders who commit to support and serve their followers.

Leadership Lesson from Ft. Bragg

Phillip Van Hooser
Leadership Expert, Author & Keynote Speaker
phil@vanhooser.com

In this video post, I share an illustration to show leaders that lying — no matter how innocently — is a costly leadership mistake.

Leaders Who Lie

Phillip Van Hooser
Leadership Expert, Author & Keynote Speaker
phil@vanhooser.com

In this video post, I relate a story that illustrates to leaders that losing their temper is a costly leadership flaw.

Leaders Who Lose Their Temper

Phillip Van Hooser
Leadership Expert, Author & Keynote Speaker
phil@vanhooser.com

When considering ways to enhance leadership, positive characteristics like honesty, integrity, vision and courage are usually addressed. However, we also need to focus on insidious personal habits which, unwittingly, chip away at the very foundation of our influence. One such leadership cancer is profanity.

Profanity is a tough issue to address. Our society passionately embraces the constitutionally protected freedoms of speech and public expression. While at lunch recently, I was seated next to a young man. Sadly, I was not terribly surprised when he opened his mouth and vulgarities spewed forth. He spoke loudly. Men, women and children (all present) could easily hear. But, he was not angry. Frankly, he seemed comfortable - at easy with this manner of communication. That made me uncomfortable.

Did I confront him? No. I must admit, there was a part of me that wanted to say, “Hey, buddy, don’t you get it? Don’t you realize that you’re driving people away with your words?” But I resisted. Why? Besides the possibility of an almost certain public confrontation, today, when someone dares question the appropriateness of such boorish public behavior, the confronter is too often labeled prudish, followed by heated accusations of perceived censorship. For the record, I am against limiting individual freedoms. However, I am for common sense applications of the freedoms we enjoy. I believe that just because we can do or say something doesn’t necessarily mean we should.

Am I saying I’ve never uttered an inappropriate comment? Absolutely not! The truth is I learned to “cuss” in fifth grade. I’m not proud of that fact. Such behavior was certainly not encouraged by my parents, teachers, coaches or other influential adults. But that didn’t stop me. Sadly, stringing together words I often couldn’t even define made me feel more in control, more grown up, more of a man.

As the years went by, I became bolder with my use of profanity. Over time, my cursing became a habit. A behavior requiring no thought. As a manager in the workplace, I believed profanity helped emphasize and drive home important points, thus making me more effective. My conversations became so sprinkled with expletives that, eventually, I failed to even recognize them as profanity. To me, it was just harmless “shop talk.” I never paused to consider what others might think of it.

So why this crusade against profanity by professionals? I now recognize that when one uses profanity, at least 25-50% of the people who hear it are offended. They may not say so publicly, but they are. You don’t believe me? Take a little poll of the folks you work with. Simply ask how many of them enjoy hearing others curse on the job vs. how many would prefer to be shielded from profanity altogether. The results may surprise you.

But, I learned the hard way. No one had ever said to me, “Phil, I think you have great leadership potential. Great opportunities are out there if you would just curse more!” However, one day, early in my management career, a trusted mentor pulled me aside to say, “Phil, I think you have great leadership potential. I believe great opportunities are out there for you. But, do you realize your cursing is limiting your potential? You really can’t afford to lose people’s respect.”

The leadership curse is not really the act of cursing at all. The leadership curse rests in not fully recognizing the tremendous effect our words, deeds and behaviors have on others.

Phillip Van Hooser
Leadership Expert, Author & Keynote Speaker
phil@vanhooser.com

Principle 6:  Do Your Job (This is the final part in a series on becoming a great communicator.)

When communicating, what if…?

• People respond differently than you hoped or predicted?
• People become too emotional?
• People resist your communication efforts?

After considering these and other “What if…?” questions for a while, I came to the realization that none of us can predict with certainty what the outcome of any communication effort ultimately will be. We can know what we want the outcome to be. We can know what we have planned the outcome to be. We can even know what we have intentionally worked for the outcome to be. But in the end, we simply don’t control all the variables.

It was then that the sixth communication principle came into focus for me. I realized that whatever happens in the course of our communication efforts-good or bad-the people who are depending on us still expect us to do our jobs.

It is human nature to be drawn to those activities that excite us, inspire us and fulfill us. But life and work is not always exciting, inspiring and fulfilling. Sometimes you are called to rise above that which you wish you could avoid completely. All of your personal and professional activities can be enhanced as well if you simply commit yourself to doing your job and doing it at the highest level possible.

Here are three ideas on how to get better.

When Doing Your Job…Strive to Become a Better Communicator

One way to become a better communicator is happening for you at this very moment-you’re reading and studying. Though reading this book or others is no guarantee that you will be ordained the next great communicator. It is, however, a wonderful step in the right direction. Self-study serves to prepare the mind and will for greater future accomplishment.

My intention here is not to burden you with a suggested reading list as long as your arm. If you are really interested in more reading materials related to communication skills enhancement, fifteen minutes spent in your local library, bookstore or online will provide you dozens of options. I will suggest one book in particular though that I think can be helpful to anyone at any stage of their life or career. Secure a copy today of Dale Carnegie’s classic, How to Win Friends and Influence People. You won’t be sorry. It hasn’t sold millions of copies over the past sixty plus years by accident.

Remember, reading is great, but doing is better. If your desire is to be a better oral communicator, I highly recommend you enroll in one or both of the following. Dale Carnegie courses are available in every major city as are Toastmasters International clubs. Both are dedicated to helping develop the skills of those who wish to communicate orally with more confidence and expertise. I can assure you both will be money and time well spent.

When Doing Your Job…Work to Exceed Expectations

One of my mantras for life is “do more than is expected.” I have discovered that if you are constantly doing more than is expected, you will never again have to worry about evaluations, regardless of the form or fashion they might take.

As this concept applies to enhancing our communication skills, I suggest you look around and take inventory of the expectations people have of the various communicators in their life. If you are a teacher, pay close attention to other teachers and students. If you are a manager, pay close attention to other managers and employees. If you are a parent, pay close attention to other parents and children. If you are a member of the clergy, pay close attention to other spiritual shepherds and their flocks. Watch and listen. Gather up all the good ideas you can unearth and incorporate them into your communication “bag of tricks.” At the same time, notice the communication gaps that exist and that people are talking about. Then do everything you can to make sure you are not guilty of the same.

One other thing. Don’t wait for your boss, your spouse, your parent, your client or anyone else to challenge you to exceed their expectations. It probably won’t happen. Remember, they aren’t expecting much. The opportunity always exists for you to give them more.

When Doing Your Job…Never Give Up

I will make this last point short and sweet. Don’t you dare give up! Don’t ever allow yourself to be lured into thinking that your effort toward developing your interpersonal communication skills means little. Communicating person-to-person means everything. Where a communication void exists, rumors, assumptions, half-truths and perceptions creep in to fill it. There is no need for that to happen.

A quick recap of the six strategies for becoming a great communicator:

1.  Talk “with” people.
2.  Explain the process.
3.  Tell the truth.
4.  Work for understanding.
5.  Get others involved.
6.  Do your job.

A detailed discussion of each of these principles is available in my book, We Need to Talk.  The book is available at Amazon.com and on my website. If you are interested in discounts for volume purchases, please check the pricing details here.   

All the best!

Phillip Van Hooser
Cultivating Great Leaders to Create Competitive Advantage
phil@vanhooser.com

Principle 5: Get Others Involved (This is the fifth in a six part series on becoming a great communicator.)

When Getting Others Involved…Ask Their Preference

One of the best ways to get others involved is by asking a fairly open-ended question such as, “What would you like to see happen from this point forward?” or “If you had your way what direction would you have us go and why?”

Not everyone will immediately embrace personal involvement. However, some will. And when they do choose to respond to the type of question offered above, it is very easy then to move to the next step. The next step involves extending a personal invitation to become more personally involved in the actions to be taken or decisions to be made.

How many people around you are waiting for this invitation? Probably more than you think. But, you’ll never know for sure unless you ask.

When Getting Others Involved…Be Specific

When offering the chance to get others involved, too often the tendency is to leave the activity open-ended. That’s a bad idea. Few people will reach blindly into a bag unless they have some idea what is in that bag already. Not knowing creates fear, anxiety and hesitancy.

It’s much better to tell people specifically what they are getting into and what is expected of them. As it relates to communication, specificity rules!

When Getting Others Involved…Recognize Success

Once you are successful in getting others more actively involved, there is one more key activity that should not be overlooked. Catch people doing things right and recognize their successes in every way possible.

It takes courage to step out on faith and to take on additional responsibility. Over time, the more involved people become, the more communicative they become. Fewer problems occur when people are talking to one another. So, we should be doing all that is within our power to keep people talking.

Show people what success looks like. Trumpet the successes that you are observing. Don’t wait for huge, “front page news” successes. Be just as quick to acknowledge and highlight the “look, we’ve made a little progress” successes, too.

The personal involvement of others is a skill not easily mastered, but one that can pay significant future dividends.

The last of the six principles next time - Do Your Job.

Phillip Van Hooser
Cultivating Great Leaders to Create Competitive Advantage
phil@vanhooser.com

Principle 4: Work for Understanding (This is the fourth in a six part series on becoming a great communicator.)

Working to understand the needs of others and working to be understood is a transferable skill, not limited to a specific professional discipline or activity. It is a skill both needed to be successful in their chosen professional venues. And it is a skill that the rest of us need as well. Being willing and able to work for understanding, to improve personal communication is needed, recognized and valued in the operating room, in the show room, in the classroom, in the boardroom and even in the living room.

Consider the following ways to work for understanding.

When Working for Understanding…Check the Pulse

There is always a right time and a wrong time, a right place and a wrong place, a right way and a wrong way to communicate. Great communicators are the ones who have come to realize that with successful interpersonal communication “one size does not fit all.” As a result they work to fashion a tailored, customized communication message for those who will be receiving it. To accomplish this, proactive communicators need to have their finger on the pulse of those who will be impacted (positively or negatively) by the communication offered.

Here are some questions to consider as you formulate the specific message to be conveyed.

• What are the key issues s/he is currently facing that can impact the reaction or response?
• Has s/he ever heard or dealt with this type of message before?
• If so, how has s/he reacted to it?
• How does this person handle good/bad news?
• What kind of things have we dealt with together in the past that could resurface (for good or bad) during our time of communication?

When Working for Understanding…Anticipate and Manage the Barriers

A major part of good one-on-one communication is being able to anticipate and manage the numerous barriers that continuously crop up throughout any focused communication effort. Consider the following categories of barriers and the proactive suggestions offered to avoid them.

Sender Barriers
• Intention. Any successful journey begins with a well-defined itinerary. Communication is no different. The originators of the communication-the senders-need to be crystal clear on the intention of the communication to follow. 

• Preparation. Once the intention is clear, the preparation must follow. Consciously prepare for who you will be speaking with, what you want to accomplish and how best to present your ideas or information so that they can be well-received by your intended audience.

• Singular Focus. So as not to confuse those to whom our message will be delivered, the primary focus must remain clear and uncluttered. Focus on the “first things first.” Don’t try to cover too much ground or mix too many varying messages. It confuses the receiver of the communication. 

• Timeliness. As the originator and sender of the message, do everything in your power to align and deliver the message in a timely fashion. A message received well in advance of its application is soon mentally discarded and forgotten. A messaged received too late is looked on with disdain.

• Opportunity to Vent. There is an emotional element to almost every message. As the originator of that message, it is imperative that you recognize that emotions and personal feelings are to be acknowledged and dealt with. As such, allowing receivers an opportunity to vent their thoughts and emotions adds to the value of the communication process.

• Accept Responsibility. As the sender of the communication, if and when you fail in some area of the communication process, be willing to accept responsibility for your failure quickly and publicly. Receivers will be much more apt to forgive and move forward when they recognize that you are accepting responsibility for your mistakes.

Message Barriers
• Isolate the Problem. Well meaning communication can often go awry when the intended message strays from the problem to the person. Expert communicators have learned to isolate the problem and separate it from the people involved.

• Procrastination. On those occasions when it becomes necessary to communicate a message that is expected to be received negatively, too many communicators shrink from the challenge. They hope there will be a “better time” for such communication. Remember, “bad news does not get better with time.” Don’t procrastinate-communicate!

• Communicate Expectations. Any message can be misconstrued if it remains unclear as to what is expected to happen next. As the originator of the communication, it is your responsibility to conclude every exchange with your own personal “call to action.” Make sure every person knows what is expected of them from that point forward.

Environmental Barriers
• Appropriate Time. As a general rule, if you are communicating a message that will be well-received and roundly supported, it is better to share that information as early in the day, the week, the month as possible. The positive buzz can have a desirable after-effect on others.

• Privacy Matters. On the other hand, if you expect a message you are called to communicate might have a negative backlash, plan to communicate that message out of the sight of prying eyes and ears. It is better to deal with unpredictable emotions in private.

• Shut Down the “Grapevine.” Most organizations have some sort of informal, internal communication “grapevine” that too often dispenses rumors, speculation, innuendo and half-truths. Expert communicators can virtually shut down such grapevine communication by becoming known as the repository for dependable communication. Be proactive in making people’s unknowns-known.

When Working for Understanding…Inspect What You Expect

Even the best planned, best prepared and best delivered message can, on occasion, be misconstrued unintentionally. But how can you know that, short of waiting for the whole issue to blow up in your face at a later time and place? You can always “test your message.”

It’s fairly simple. Here’s what you do. Once you have communicated your intended message to the appropriate individual, before parting company you ask the following question, “I realize that I am not always the best communicator. I’m trying to get better. But, what we have just talked about is so important that I want to make sure that I have not done anything to confuse the message. Will you please tell me what you heard me say and what you know I am expecting as a result of our conversation today?”

Once you have asked this question, I suggest you stop and listen carefully to what is retold. Notice in the question above, I have worked hard to put the burden on the sender, not on the receiver of the message (i.e., “…I am not always the best communicator. I’m trying to get better…I want to make sure I have not done anything to confuse the message.”) Therefore, if, in the repeating of the message back to you, the receiver gets something in message wrong, be sure to accept the blame for the confusion. Example: “Did I say that you have $5,000 in your budget for the next quarter? Oh my, I meant to say $500. Thanks for catching my mistake. That could have been disastrous.”

In a nutshell, working for understanding always takes work-but it can also bear great results.

Principle 5 next time - Get Others Involved.

Phillip Van Hooser
Cultivating Great Leaders to Create Competitive Advantage
phil@vanhooser.com

Principle 2: Explain the Process (This is the second in a six part series on becoming a great communicator.)

“I didn’t actually tell her, but I’m sure she knows what I mean.”  How many times have you heard such a statement? More importantly, how many times have you said or thought the same? Unless the person you’re thinking of is a certified mind reader (I’ve never met one of those), choosing to believe that any person will know what you’re thiking without making the effort to tell them is the equivalent of actually believing you will win the lottery. It could happen — unfortunately, it seldom does.

Understanding how to explain the process begins with understanding your overall communication objectives. Knowing what your objectives are before you begin significantly lessens the chances that you will falter in your communication efforts. Is your objective to:

• convey
• request
• educate
• defend
• question
• or confirm?

When Explaining the Process, Know What Others Sense. Communication is not only a verbal experience, in a very real sense it is also sensory in nature. People pride themselves on their ability to “read” other people. People evaulate their “gut feel” regarding messages they receive from others. People are always on the lookout for “a connection,” “kindred spirits” and their “soul mate.” There are at least six universal things people can “sense” from our words and the manner in which we deliver them.

• People can sense how we feel.
• People can sense if we like them or not.
• People can sense if we’re glad to be there.
• People can sense if we’ve memorized our comments.
• People can sense if we’re lying.
• People can sense if we’re trying to sell them something.
• And people can sense if we’re sincere.

When Explaining the Process, Anticipate Key Questions. Let’s face it, many of us are suspicious by nature. When someone starts explaining the process to us, we start trying to read between the lines. We wonder about a number of things. And until we have acceptable answers to questions that concern us, we will not be able to fully accept the communication effort as being legitimate. However, satisfy us with answers to our most pressing questions and we will value you as being the great communicator you are.

Consider these common questions people have and be ready with an answer to their questions.

• Is this really going to do any good?
• Is it possible that I could be hurt as a result of what happens?
• Should I get involved personally or just watch and wait to see what happens?
• What is the real motivation behind what I am seeing and hearing?
• Will this have a negative effect on my relationship, position, etc?
• Will this cause more problems than it is worth?

We should never assume that others know what we are up to, even those closest to us. We may think that choosing to avoid these “unnecessary” explanations up front will save us time in the process. What we don’t consider is that sooner or later we are sure to end up explaining the process anyway — what we did, how it was done and why we did it. If the process is explained before action is taken, most people are still open to listening and learning. However, if explanations are offered after action has been taken, many people will already be dealing with the frustration brought on by what they see as your insufficient communication approach.

Principle 3 next time — Tell the Truth.

Phillip Van Hooser
Cultivating Great Leaders to Create Competitive Advantage
phil@vanhooser.com