Is your communication approach actually causing you problems with your team?
In my natural, unedited state, I’m an incredibly direct, fast-moving person. NO fluff, no filler, no wasted seconds. I thrive off progress.
Some people love that, others despise it.
What I continue to discover within my own business and with our clients is that our natural instincts can be the strengths that fuel us forward, but at other times, our defaults can become camouflaged roadblocks standing in the way of team success.
Here’s my question – Even if it’s incredibly frustrating for you, if it meant greater team success would be realized, are you a leader willing to adapt your style to meet the needs of your team?
Ruffling Feathers and Don’t Even Realize It
Early in my career, I served as a marketing director. To execute well in this role, I needed to collaborate with others, communicating consistently with many team members to move projects forward quickly — the CEO, CFO, Compliance Officer, etc.
As someone who wore multiple hats in the organization, one of the strengths I brought to our team was my tenacity in pushing projects to completion. However, early on, I didn’t realize that my weakness was my unintentional, default communication style of being direct and to the point. I was ruffling feathers and didn’t even realize it, instead, my focus was innocently on managing my time well and driving results.
Sometimes our intentions are honorable, but our impact is ineffective.
Without question, I now know that it only takes a few feathers out of place for the whole animal to look like a mess. Similarly, it only takes a few ruffled feathers on a team before frustration, disengagement, and a lack of unity create a breeding ground for stalled progress.
My real-Life Lesson in Communication
It was a typical day, I needed the compliance officer to formally approve my ad for another marketing campaign. Without question, I perceived this to always be a monotonous step in our process, one that could be skipped since I fully understood the regulations and information needed. So, I kept my communication with the compliance officer very brief to save both of us time. I wrote an email that went something like this:
Julie,
The attached ad needs your approval. I’ll keep an eye out for your response before the end of the week.
– Alyson
Hit send. Done. Another day, another dollar. I still have to wait for Julie, but for me – I can check the box now. Progress. I like it.
Until Julie replied…and I didn’t like it anymore…in fact, I didn’t like what she had to say at all. But I am so glad she told me the truth.
Telling the truth is not always easy, but it is always right.
(And “Julie,” if you’re reading this, I want you to know how much I treasure your willingness to shoot me straight!)
Communication Without Connection is Just Fruitless Talking
Little did I know that for months, my quick emails were being received and decoded by the team far differently than I intended.
As someone who studies team dynamics, we know that intention doesn’t always determine impact, but the impact always determines performance.
Julie’s email response came sooner than I expected—in minutes, not days—and the words on the screen were shocking to me.
Tactfully and in a very detailed, long multi-paragraph reply, she basically said, “Alyson, if you keep communicating like this, people aren’t going to want to see you coming, hear what you have to say, or willingly support your work and advancement here.”
Ouch.
I had to read it twice.
Honestly, my knee-jerk reaction was thinking to myself, “Okay, boomer, that’s old school – not only the long email but also the suggestion that I use flowery corporate-ese language. I was just being authentically me, i.e. real. That’s the future of work!”
But then logic and rationale entered my brain and I thought, “What if Julie is right and I am wrong?”
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Poor Communication Consequences Hidden in Plain Sight
If I’m wrong, then my ROI is horrible. Little time spent, little return earned. It really doesn’t matter how much time I save writing emails because if I rub the team the wrong way, and build division instead of unity, then I won’t be able to move forward—at least not as quickly, seamlessly, and powerfully—in my career, and I’ll make everyone else’s life more painful at work.
Nobody loves getting poked with a thorn, even if it means they get to smell the roses.
I never wanted that to be my story….
I thought, if Julie is right, spending just a minute longer on an email to ensure my communication infuses positivity and appreciation will have a much greater ROI—a small investment, infinite returns.
I was unwilling to take the risk of not taking Julie’s advice. I needed to make a change…for the good of me, but much more importantly, for the good of our team. I’ve come to believe that there’s no such thing as self-made success—success requires the investment and support of others. You can lead at any level of an organization, but always remember that leadership without followers does not exist.
Are You A Courageous Communicator?
I don’t know how long it took Julie to write that email response to me. I don’t know if she hesitated to be honest with me – to tell me that I was frustrating her and others on the team. However, what I do know is that she helped me. She served me. That’s what leaders do. Leaders speak up to help someone else become more successful, even when it’s uncomfortable as the leader. Leaders take actions that help others succeed. Leaders focus on the long-term impact, not temporary losses or gains.
Are you willing to courageously communicate with your team? It could be the action that elevates everyone!
Maybe more importantly, especially for leaders of teams, are you open to the truth being shared with you? Are you willing to change for the good of the team?
One Communication Tip for Greater Leadership
Great leaders consistently improve their performance. They never stop learning, never stop growing, and never stop pushing themselves and others to greater success. The world needs more leaders who are great communicators. May we appreciate the great leaders we have, and may we all work to be the great leaders our world needs now more than ever.
Over time, I’ve learned that adaptability is critical for leaders of today’s diverse workforce—at every level. Sometimes, our default personality traits don’t serve our team very well, so the best approach is to change how we’ve always done it or let go of how we prefer it—for the good of our team! That’s what selfless leaders do.
However, the key is that we never know exactly how to lead our unique team well unless we truly understand them first. We need to know how they prefer to be communicated with and led. Once you have true clarity and understanding of them, you gift yourself a trusted compass leading to adapted actions that will elevate team success in many, many ways. I want that to be your leadership story!
Have a one-on-one conversation with your team members to ask them something like this:
“When it comes to everyday communication at work, who do you enjoy working with the most? What is it about their communication style that you resonate with?”
As you listen, look for clues into specific insights and tips you can incorporate into your future communication to better resonate with each team member.
